People in codependent relationships tend to have a problem where one person doesn't recognize boundaries and the other person doesn't insist on boundaries. Thus, one person is controlling and manipulative, and the other person is compliant and fails to assert his or her own will.
10 Signs of a Codependent Relationship
Codependency issues typically develop when someone is raised by parents who are either overprotective or under protective. Overprotective parents may shield or protect their children from gaining the confidence they need to be independent in the world.
Childhood trauma is often a root cause of codependency. They don't always result, but for many people codependent relationships are a response to unaddressed past traumas. One reason may be that childhood trauma is usually family-centered: abuse, neglect, domestic violence, or even just divorce and fighting.
A codependent relationship occurs when each partner abdicates responsibility for themselves. Generally, one partner is the "taker" while the other is the "caretaker," although these roles can switch depending on the issue. For example, one partner might be a caretaker financially and a taker emotionally or sexually.
Physical, emotional, and sexual abuse can cause psychological problems that last years or even an entire lifetime. One of the many issues that can arise from past abuse is codependency. A child or teenager who is abused will learn to repress their feelings as a defense mechanism against the pain of abuse.
The narcissist puts their wants and needs above everyone else. At the same time, the codependent places their wants and needs of others above their own. The narcissistic partner needs someone else to boost their self-esteem while the codependent partner is more than willing to serve in this role.
The codependent manipulates themselves as well. Their need for perfection keeps them going in order to avoid failure. They often have two speeds: all or nothing. Manipulating Others – Their desire for perfection often seeps onto others.
Codependency is often associated with excess selflessness. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is often linked to excess selfishness. Many narratives depict codependent people as victims who fall prey to those with narcissistic traits.
Codependency is neither an officially recognized personality disorder nor an official mental illness. Rather, it is a unique psychological construct that shares significant overlap with other personality disorders.
Some healthy steps to healing your relationship from codependency include:
Sep 19, 2016
While close friendships are important, codependent friendships are so close that all boundaries have completely melted away. Boundaries define our personal limits, and they help us separate our own needs and feelings from other people's needs and feelings.
These are some other steps to take:
Oct 26, 2020
“Codependency can manifest as jealousy, although feeling jealous doesn't always mean that the relationship is codependent,” says Derwin K.K. Nunes III, lead counselor at the Ohana Addiction Treatment Center. “It's completely normal to feel jealous at times in a relationship.
Codependent relationships are not doomed for failure. They are possible to be worked on, but the work has to come from both partners. If you have signs of codependency in your marriage, you will have to change your behaviors and thought processes to recreate a balanced relationship.
When these individuals continue this cycle, they end up in a codependent marriage. Within a codependent marriage, one partner has extreme emotional or physical needs, and the other partner is willing to do whatever it takes to meet those needs. The codependent is so in love, and they want that love reciprocated.
Codependency is when one partner feels an excessive emotional reliance on their partner. Textbook signs of codependent personalities are people-pleasing, low self-esteem, and always needing to be in control. According to codependency expert, Darlene Lancer, codependency is a disorder of the self.
People who have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can also experience codependency, due to the attention they're getting from their relationship. Since both conditions are rooted in an unhealthy reliance on other people, it's common to have overlap.